I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
