eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize