I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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