There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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