Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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