you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Randomize
