Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
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