She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
