am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
