he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
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