I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize