hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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