Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
