If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize