we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
