So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
How does one acquire holy water?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
