Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize