..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
