When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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