There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
