3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
