i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
