i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
