i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
