I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
