my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize