i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
How naked do you want me to be?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
