The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
