i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
