im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
is this the sara with the beer cane?
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
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