sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
