apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
