so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
