You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
