I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
