I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize