I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
