I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
