I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
