Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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