if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
