3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize