Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
tell me about the eggs
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
