You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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