Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
what day is it and did you see me today?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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