So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize