Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
