oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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