I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
My vagina is officially offended.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
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