so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
