In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize