Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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