Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
