1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
