dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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