I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
