dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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