im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
