Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
