His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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