I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
