His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
