evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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