I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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