Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
