I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
