He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
