Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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