TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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