was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
