walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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