i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
