Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
