What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize