he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
