I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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