i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
This girl is more easily done than said...
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize