Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize