i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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