she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize