No awkward lesbian experiences without me
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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