I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
She told me I should be a condom model.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Terrible idea I love it
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize