3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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