I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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