thus making me awesome and them whores
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
