using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
