you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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