When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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