Midget sex pt 2 tonight
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
