first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
