I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
