i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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