either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
