Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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