If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
