For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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