I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
